sickening.

last night i was upset. so what did i do? i ran away to food. did i go to panchero's, get a chicken quesadilla, and eat half? no. i went to btb, got a fucking DELUXE shredded chicken, and ate nearly the whole thing. so many calories. that and the beer alone is more than my daily intake should be.
plus half a slice of pizza at work.
plus four cookies after lunch.
plus my bingetastic lunch of mac and cheese and a bit of a turkey sandwich.

it amazes me how i manage to do this to myself. i'm not a bitch and i'm not cocky, but i know that i'm pretty. and i should have more love and respect for my body than to poison it so.

mum's taking me shopping today. yay. not excited anymore since i'm so disgustingly bloated. i hate this. i miss him.

oh, and i had some rather random dreams last night. all very vivid though. in one of them i had a massive black eye (i was rather upset it's not actually there, it looked fucking badass), and in another, i looked in the mirror and saw my body morph to be even fatter. disgusting. my arms freaked me out the most, as it wasn't a full length mirror. they looked like this:

blech. that scared me. alot. would go work out, but must go shower before mum picks me up.

here's to a better day.