Exams are approaching, and I am stressed.
What do I do when I'm stressed? I eat. No. Not anymore. I will not let myself. Woke up this morning at 8.30 to be at the gym by 9. Did a measly 30min (350cal) on the elliptical, then pushups, crunches, squats, and my beloved gravitron pullup/dip/chinup routine. Not enough though. May go back later. My body just aches... I mean, it deserves a break. Really. But, after seeing 129 on the scale this morning, I really cannot justify giving myself a break. I need to work harder. Harder harder harder. Already had my food for the day. Considering purging..but my throat hurts too much. I don't know. Here, help me out - should I give myself a break for a bit? Taking the following into consideration..
-I have some sort of tonsillitis-y thing, that I'm taking penicillin for 4x/day (damn, need to go take that)
-Also, taking advil just as often as the penicillin for the pain.
-I'm on my period. Enough said.
-I'm stressed as hell about my exams/my grades.
-Oh, and I've developed this habit of staying up for ridiculous reasons until around five or so, then waking up at like, 8, maybe ten at latest. Not feeling it.
Maybe I'm just being a weak-minded little bitch. Entirely possible, to be honest. Ah well. Off to the library I go, probably going out tonight, but no food. Just alcohol. I can justify that, especially if I work out again later. Maybe go for a run or something, we'll see. Plus, the lack of food will greatly reduce the amount of alcohol I will find it necessary to ingest. There we go. Then work tomorrow..maybe just stick it out and no food 'til work? I don't work 'til twelve, so even if I do eat right before, I'll have fasted for 24hours. Though if I stick it out to the end of my shift, that'll be 29. In which case, I might as well keep going, to thirty. Then maybe to forty. Forty hours of fasting would take me to...4am Monday morning. Hopefully I won't be up that early. Maybe if I convince myself to get up at 9 to work out before going to 11am class...I can eat at 12. That'll make 48 hours. The thought is so daunting, particularly given my eating habits as of late, but I can't help but crave the feeling I think I'll get from completing it. Hell, right now I'm aiming for 24 hours. Shit, even 12 hours will make me feel accomplished. YES.
I must go, make some tea, get my calc book from this kid who won't bring it down to central campus for me (goddamnit) andd hit the books. Hard. I'm excited. I want to get alot done. I'll check in on you all in a few hours, when I take a nice little study break.
Models are beautiful. Models are thin. Thin is beautiful. Stay strong, ladies. xo
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Id like to say that you should give yourself a break considering exams and all, but the ana in me says that if you stop now, how will you start. Cause i stopped for 2months and put on 14lbs its just not worth it. Maybe you should restrict eating and no exercise or eat what you want and exercise loads. Compromise?
ReplyDeletehope this helps and doesnt seem wierd considering im a new follower..?
staystrong xx
you could give yourself a little break. did you know insomnia can hinder weight loss? "When we are deprived of sleep, cortisol is released at an increased level and makes us feel hungry even if we are full." it also messes up your metabolism. that shits intense! we need to sleep more.
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