fourth.

Hello skinnies.

What a fail of a twenty-four hours. I feel horrible right now, and it's Easter, so I have to go home for dinner tonight, and there'll be chocolate.. Yesterday I did nothing. I was tired, or so I told myself..I stayed in bed all day. I tell myself it was just that I wanted to rest, but looking back, I was probably just depressed. I binged at breakfast, planning to then go work out and go to the library, generally be productive, but I got nothing done. Was supposed to go to the library with R..didn't happen. He bailed, basically. Which made me feel like shit. I really wanted to see him. Anyway, I convinced myself to do another Jillian Michael's workout, but couldn't get myself to go running or get to the gym. Still feeling low on energy. Went to subway at like nine last night, of course I got a fucking footlong, and ate the entire thing in five minutes. Along with a bag of chips. Probably 700cal or more. All at once. Then, i wasn't going to go out since I was tired and bloated and full and feeling gross, so I took a shower, but then a couple of my guy friends said they were by my dorm and to go out with them..so, thinking we were going to metal frat, I just threw on some jeans, a tshirt, and my beloved sperry's, and didn't give a thought to what my hair looked like. Of course, we end up going somewhere else - the lax house. So many mullets, so many pairs of sperry's, and SO many girls. All wearing dresses or short skirts, with their hair straightened, having fun. For one, I didn't really know anyone there other than the guys I came with. Second..I looked so out of place and felt like shit because of it. So I ended up leaving before them, and somehow ended up going to dtd. And spent the night there. In his arms.

Then this morning, he drove me back. And apologized. And it sucks. So SO SO much. I don't understand him. I just don't understand how he can say he still likes me and cares about me, and want to hold me close, and even want to fuck me, and then won't give us another chance, when things could be so great. It fucking sucks blows and swallows and I can't deal with it right now. Not fair.

This morning I went down to breakfast...banana bread and blueberry muffin.and some grapes. still. blah. carb-o-licious. And I think mum said she's making vegetarian lasagna tonight. Delicious, yes, full of veggies, yes, but also pasta and cheese. Blah. Must go work out. Want to do the 30day shred again today, but roommate's here and I don't wanna do it in front of her. hahah. Don't care if that makes me pathetic. Anyway. This week I'm seriously cutting back. Fruit fruit fruit. That is what I shall eat. If I go down to the cafeteria? Must get at least one piece of fruit, and I'll have salad. and egg..just eat the white. yes. here we go.

Should probably go to the gym and get this calc done. Blahh. God I miss Rob. :(

think thin. xo

--edit--
dukes of hazzard is on. Jessica Simpson looks so damn good. And Seann William Scott is fine as hell. Yummmm.. (and on that note, i'm off to the gym.)