if this was easy, everyone would be skinny.

oh wait, they are. skinnier than me at least.

whatever.

still haven't written this three page paper. fuck my life. y'know, nothing new.

told boy about this weekend. "babe, you're not messed up. i just want you to feel good about yourself for once. you deserve it. you deserve alot more than you give yourself credit for. goodnight babe."

normally texts like that and him telling me i'm beautiful, i'm gorgeous, they'd cheer me up. but not this time. not anymore. and i don't quite know how to handle that. tomorrow's a new day. got to keep going with this. going to eat dorm food. well, sort of. going to eat carrots and celery. and cucumber, i love me some cucumber. if only they had more fruit.. lots of water and tea, too. water polo tomorrow night, so i can nap tomorrow afternoon (instead of working out) considering i'll be up all night trying and failing to write this goddamn paper.

might go for a quick shower to clear my head a bit. can't really focus anyway. i can't do this alone, but no one will do this with me. don't know what to do.

132. goal for my birthday (dec 16) is 125. seven pounds, one month. let's go.