twenty four.

ended up in hospital again friday night. got discharged later that night. boyfriend drove me to my parents house, i refused to get out of the car. so after mother screamed at me for saying i didn't give a fuck, he took me to his. i didn't like this, i wanted to go to my apartment. the doctor told me not to let me be alone. boyfriend took my keys. i hit him. he said i hit like a girl. i called a cab. he wouldnt give me my keys. i hit him again. and again. he laughed and told me it was my parents apartment, not mine, that i dont pay for anything. i hit him again. he threw them at me and said he didn't care. i left.

cabbie drove me to my apartment. my parents were waiting in the parking lot. cabbie dropped me off at starbucks. cried and called boyfriend, he picked me up. spent the night with him.

considering dropping out for the semester. i just can't deal with this, any of this, and i fucking hate it.

i'm still fat. still don't have a scale but i guarantee i haven't lost shit. haven't been working out 'cause i'm too lazy and just goddamn miserable and unmotivated. even showering is a daunting thought right now.

i need to lose twenty pounds. that's what i've decided. twenty. ten in a month from now. ten pounds, thirty days. no big deal. my sorry ass should be able to do that.

fuck everything.