hokay.

I've been totally awol lately I guess. And I mean, I haven't even been reading many blogs. Which saddens me. Shit's been crazy. Still living at home, still looking for a place to live..two places have fallen through now. Still very very depressed. Boyfriend is still being absolutely amazing. I'm so so thankful for having him and my parents. In other news..I decided to rush. My college campus has 15 sororities. Over the past two days I visited them all and probably talked to more girls in those cumulative 10 hours than I have in the past couple of years. Like woah. Tonight we found out which houses asked us back for second sets. I only got four. One of them, I have absolutely no intention of even considering...Alpha Gamma Delta. I actually had forgotten that the middle letter was gamma..I'm so used to thinking of them as alpha-grab-a-donut. Maybe that's bitchy. Oh wait, I don't care. It's absolutely true. YES, I know two lovely girls in AGD. However..they're both rather large. I don't want to be in AGD. Ha.
The others I got called back to are DG (loved 'em), Pi-Phi (liked 'em) and AEPhi (meh). Upset I didn't get invited back to Tridelt or ADPi. Tridelta is known for not taking sophomores, I guess, but ADPi..I had some of the best conversations with the girls there..it wasn't horribly awkward like some of the other houses. AEPhi on the other hand..there were three of us rushees to the one AEPhi and I felt like I sort of lay low as the other two girls talked. I don't know.
Basically between that, and a girl I was trying to sublet a room in a lovely apartment from telling me she doesn't want to live with me, I got home from work and sat and cried. Bawled. Boyfriend called, he came over. Of course. Thank god my parents love him now. I feel like everyone hates me. I literally said that to him and my mother. They tried to convince me otherwise. I'm not sure. Since ending up in hospital nothing's gotten any better. If anything, things are going downhill. I don't know how much more of this I can take. We all have a breaking point. I feel like mine's not far off.

The upside of not having many houses invite me back for rush is that I won't be talking to girls 'til 11:30 the next two nights. So I may actually be able to catch up on all my bio/biopsych/anthro reading. I'm behind already, and it's only the second week of class.

Another positive..I think I've decided on a major. BBCS - brain behavior and cognitive science. It's through the psych department (hrmm) but I'm excited. Neuroscience is nuts and so much organic chem, but bbcs...it sounds so so interesting, and my biopsych class is already my favorite by far. AAAAAALLLSOO boyfriend hooked me up with a job (hopefully) in the rec buildings on campus. It'd be super easy money and the shifts are mostly pretty short, so that's exciting.

Dead tired and can't miss class tomorrow. OH-- tried vyvanse today. I liked it. I've never tried adderall so it was a bit of a bizarre experience, but I didn't even think about food most of the day! Of course I caved and got fro-yo at work, but only a little:) In a vyvanse-fueled frenzy, I went to target and bought an oversized white tee and dexatrim max. SOO I'll start taking that tomorrow- maybe instead of vyvanse? I don't know. We'll see. Or else I'll just take both. Fuck it.

I think tomorrow morning I'll weigh myself. It's been a while. Think thin, ladies. xo.